i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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