Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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