so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
