and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
