I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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