I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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