if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
