Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
