Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
