Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
