Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
