I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she peed on how many people?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
