I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
