we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
