In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
