were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
