I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
