Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
