Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
