Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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