Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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