If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
