At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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