he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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