I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
