"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
