sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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