No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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