The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
