i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize