You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
