Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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