this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got so high we made milksteak
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
