Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
