Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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