Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
