I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
