my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
