Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
BRING THE BAGELS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
