ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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