Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
