Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
