I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
