dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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