yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
