Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
