My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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