so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
