I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
