Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
