apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
