I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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