my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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