dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
