Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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