I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
