john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
