Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
