sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize