okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
