Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
