Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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