do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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