I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
