were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
