you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
