I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
