Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
