This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
