Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
