but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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