This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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