If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
