I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
