I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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