Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize