her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
