just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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