theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
