I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
