Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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