We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
