Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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