Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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