I don't usually arrange sex via text message
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
