took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
