Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
