Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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