So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
