"it" just moved
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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