I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
