When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
