I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize