Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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