Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
