Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
